The Peach Tart Sits on Santa's Lap

Do you think you ever get too old to sit on Santa's lap? I don't but that shouldn't surprise you after my post last week about riding The Pink Pig.

So yesterday I went to lunch at the mall with one of my gay BMFs. After a few glasses of wine we decided that nothing would do except to go and sit on Santa's lap and tell him about our wish list and how good we've been this year.

We did get a lot of weird looks from kids but luckily the little rug rats, I mean darlings didn't tell us we were too old like the brat, I mean sweetheart in The Pink Pig line.

I mean really ladies, could you resist sitting on Santa's lap?

Christmas Parties, Hotel Sex, Shopping and Secret Santa

I'm warning you now this post is going to be a ramble.

First I want to apologize for not getting to your blogs to read and comment. The weekend was a whirlwind and the upcoming week looks the same in preparation for Christmas in 5 days.

Friday night we attended Mr. Peach Tart's office Christmas party which was fun and involved a lot of food, a lot of booze and karaoke. I did maintain my decorum as the proper Southern Belle so Mr. Peach Tart's new job is safe.

His job is 41 miles from our condo so we opted to get a hotel room for the night because we don't drink and drive and we wanted to drink.

A hotel room with a jacuzzi. I love hotel sex.

Saturday more hotel sex and Christmas shopping and Cheesecake Factory for lunch.

Let me tell you one thing. The chocolate coconut cream cheesecake is evil. I know the devil made it just to tempt me and oh my God was I tempted. I might as well just slather it on my thighs and belly but it was so good and so bad. Mr. Peach Tart had other things in mind to do with it but I ate it ALL so too bad.

Evil bad chocolate coconut cream cheesecake.

Curse you.

Then we got back to the condo Saturday afternoon to find this........


Secret Santa arrived. If you don't know what that is, click the Secret Santa icon on my sidebar.

I hit the Secret Santa jackpot.

I mean I got some serious Secret Santa booty.

My Secret Santa rocks.

I open this box to find this.......

Look at this Christmas Secret Santa booty

Chocolate. I love dark chocolate. Yum.

Look at this gorgeous package.

A necklace and some amazing coasters that will look perfect on my coffee table.

Red nail polish and not one but two eye compacts, yummy vanilla smell good and lip gloss.

My Secret Santa must have known I was very very good this year. Thank you Secret Santa.

UPDATE: I just got an email from my Secret Santa and she's the beautiful and fabulous Crazee Jules. Go check her out here.

The Peach Tart Rides the Pink Pig

One of my favorite holiday traditions is riding the Pink Pig.

The Pink Pig named Priscilla debuted as a monorail ride at Rich's (now Macy's) downtown department store in 1953.

At that time, the ride was on the roof of the department store and overlooked the Great Tree (another traditional of the store) and the toy department.

I must have been around five the first time I remember riding Priscilla. I've ridden it every year since.

Mama would take me to the store and we would have a fancy lunch at the Magnolia Tea room, I would get my picture made with Santa and then stand in line with all the other kids and parents until it was our turn. The 3 1/2 minute journey cost a quarter.

I would proudly wear my sticker showing that I had ridden the Pink Pig for weeks showing it off like a status symbol.



When they closed the downtown store The Pink Pig was put into storage for a few years :(. It's now housed in a 170-foot 1950s-themed Pink Pig Tent on the upper parking deck of the Lenox Square Macy's where four generations still stand in line for hours for the short ride.

I took my own daughter to ride Priscilla from her first Christmas until she refused to go anymore.

Yesterday I met a friend at the mall for lunch and we decided after lunch and a few glasses of wine to go and ride The Pink Pig.

I was so excited like a little kid waiting in line with all the generations of families, the kids dressed in their finest for their Santa photo op.



My friend Angie and I were having a good time people watching when the kid in front of us turned around and gave us the stink eye.

Then the little rug rat, I mean darling looked at us and said "where's your kid?"

"We don't have any kids with us, we just like to ride Priscilla as much as you do."

To which he replied looking at me "you're too old" and at my friend "and you're too fat."

I almost told him he was being naughty but instead we both burst out laughing and I replied "you're never too old for The Pink Pig."

Talking Ass Video Worst of the Year

Oh no they didn't.

WTF?

I love to watch music videos and especially enjoy videos from other countries and cultures. Yesterday I discovered a video that gets my vote for the worst video of the year.

Why you might ask?

Well first you have really bad fashions.

Next you have lots of random humping and talking butts which I know might entertain and excite Mooooog but it's just not doing it for me.

Check out the quirky video from The Kississings called Anything You Want and let me know what you think besides WTF?

Kississings - Anything U Want from miikka lommi on Vimeo.

Lipstick....Not Just For Wearing Anymore

I have a lipstick obsession.

Mama taught me to never leave the house without your lipstick. I think it's a Southern Belle thing.

Sometimes when I'm out running errands in sweats and no makeup, I still wear lipstick.

Red is my favorite. I bet I have 20 different shades of red, each a little different color or texture.

But holy shit.

I just found out a disturbing fact.

Over the course of an average woman's lifetime, she will inadvertently eat seven pounds of lipstick.

Did you hear me. SEVEN POUNDS.

I'm sure since I wear lipstick pretty much all the time, I must have eaten several times that by now.

Check out this campy but mildly erotic video of Stevie Ryan commissioned by RAW, an all natural cosmetic company.

Seriously you've got to watch it.

A Christmas Present for the Woman Who Has Everything

With only 10 shopping days until Christmas I'm in a tizzy trying to complete my Christmas list. I found these great gifts for my BFFs that I know they will adore and I didn't even have to leave the house.


I love the artist Anne Taintor. She takes vintage looking photographs and cuts out hilarious captions ususally having to do with women enjoying their cocktails.


She makes these into cocktails napkins, coaster, mugs, and now flasks, and you can check out more here.


Every woman needs a flask just for those occasions when you're attending a family gathering, jury duty, a sporting event, a Junior League meeting, your yearly mammogram appointment, a parent/teacher conference, or a big client presentation.


These babies are only $19.95 and can be ordered on the link above.


Isn't this just the perfect gift for the woman who has everything?


Never again will you have to endure those awkward meetings and events without being fortified, relaxed and charming.


This one is perfect for the BFF that always seems to liven up the party because "she was born to be wild."




This one will remind your BFF that she should think before she acts since hell she's gonna be on the road to getting intoxicated and her judgment could become impaired.



This one is great for your BFF that hates anything domestic but does enjoy her cocktail time.




This is for your BFF that works in corporate America and after rounds of meetings, frustrating customers and arrogant bosses just needs to sneak into the ladies room and have a little nip.




This one is perfect for the woman who actually waits until Happy Hour to start consuming. Part of the charm for her is being able to make it until Happy Hour.




This one is great for any friends who just love to piss off their MIL especially after enjoying a cocktail or two.




I know you know someone who this is perfect for.






Any of your friends have a big project to tackle that requires a lot of time and energy (like maybe putting up the Christmas decorations or making that much loved fruit cake)? This one is the perfect must have.




Any rebellious friends? Do I have a flask for you.





This is the one I have earmarked for myself because well I am that kind of girl.

Nothing Says Merry Christmas Like a Million Dollar Dildo

Gentlemen are you still grappling with what to get your lady for Christmas?

Nothing says I love you like a million dollar dildo.

Be the first in your circle to own this limited edition product.

Imagine the smile on her face when she opens the package.

Australian Jeweler Colin Burn's mission for 2010 is to make the world's most expensive vibrator. He's creating 10 limited-edition pieces out of smooth platinum, each encrusted with 1,500 white diamonds, each selling for $1 million.

Burn discussed his plans at the third-annual Asia Adult Expo in Macau, China.

"This is the most luxurious sexual product in the world," said Burn, a silversmith from Broome, a town of 15,000 in northwestern Australia known for pearl harvesting. "I find the jewelry industry stuffy and conservative and I want to be the jeweler not afraid to let go."

For those of you on a budget, Burn's most expensive product to date costs $38,000. It's a platinum dildo with 400 pave set diamonds and a handle made of conkerberry wood.

Another model is molded out of white gold that is also studded with diamonds and boasts one large white pearl on its top. With a price tag of $8,000, it comes with matching earrings and a necklace.

Only 11 shopping days left. Get busy.